ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
