Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
