we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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