Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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