sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
