Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
