oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
