I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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