Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
