Jerry, you need to find god
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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