you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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