Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
