You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
