birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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