There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize