good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
