she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
