Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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