this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
