She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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