guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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