with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she told me i tasted like america
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
