omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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