You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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