I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
