if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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