At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
