he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
