ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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