he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
