think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize