i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
