im drinking this country out of the recession.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
