but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
