Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
