What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
