He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
