margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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