Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
