i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
