On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
how does that bad decision feel?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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