How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
