No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize