At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
