who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
