he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
