get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
