I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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