oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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