My hand turned me down
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
