im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
