If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
