A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
