genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
