im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
