Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
