Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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