I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
