We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
