I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
