Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
