matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize