and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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