So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
