I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
