The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
