you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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