Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
