he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
