I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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