Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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