i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
