Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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