Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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