i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize