so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
