I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
