My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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