He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
