everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
