im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
