Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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