chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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