We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
