come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
